i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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