and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
