i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
