Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
