Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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