I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
