I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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