I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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