There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
