I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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