The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize