I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
