Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
