Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do vagina's smell?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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