my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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