I want to have your abortion
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
