Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
did you just send me my own nude
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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