Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Church boner. Awkwardddd
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
