just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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