Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
