I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he fucked my hip out of place.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
