If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
