i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
