I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
