We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
