One girl and one boy is just not enough.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
