Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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