My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
