y did u give ur computer a hand job?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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