I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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