i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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