worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize