people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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