I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
