Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
