her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
