Soap is not a condiment
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
