hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
