im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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