He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize