Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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