Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
