her vagine was all disorganized.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
