Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
