how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
