Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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