the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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