I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
