I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
