as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
