community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
