Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
