I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
