I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They took my balls.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
