i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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