i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
