just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
