Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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