Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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