if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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