Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
