Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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