he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
