how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
