I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
