I just threw up on my dentist
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
