i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
