It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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