So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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