How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
