I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
