I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
