Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
