garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
