Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
