You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
